I am Malawian lady based in Zambia. I am in a huge dilemma. I am into my second marriage. The first one ended after 10 years in 2012. There was no passion in our marriage, even though, it was, in no small measure, caused by my current husband.
My current husband (then my secret lover) swept me off my feet with his passion when we met in 2011. He lavished me with gifts and took me to places I could only dream of with my miserable husband. Yes, I was cheating on my husband, if you must ask.
I was so blinded by my secret lover’s dedication that I failed to notice that in the two years we had been in the relationship, we only came close to making love twice.
On both occasions it ended in frustration on my part. I am using the term ‘came close’ advisedly because on those two attempts, his member became flaccid when it came to ‘doing it’.
At the time, I dismissed it. Maybe he felt guilty. He was married with two children. I was also married. I have heard that guilt can turn off some married men.
Nevertheless, in mid-2012 we eloped to Zambia where we are living now. The problem we have had is that since then, we have never made love; all our attempts end at the same stalemate.
One day I confronted him and he confessed that he has suffered from what he suspects is penile erectile dysfunction since puberty.
It came like a bombshell to me because it didn’t explain the children he had with his former wife. He said he also had no idea how she conceived and he never asked her.
Now, Big Man Wamkulu, it has been three years without getting the proper feel of a man and it is driving me out of my mind. Should I leave him and seek the forgiveness of my former husband? Or is there any way I can assist my new husband?-(Extracted from The Nation Online)